Key Takeaways
- Couples counseling focuses on the relationship: how you communicate, handle conflict and connect.
- Individual therapy focuses on one person’s thoughts, feelings, history and choices.
- Couples counseling is often the best fit when both partners want to work on the relationship.
- Individual therapy may be better if one partner is not ready, or if there is abuse, an active affair or a serious personal struggle.
- Many people benefit from both, either at the same time or one after the other.
When a relationship is struggling, it is not always clear where to start. Should you and your partner go to couples counseling together, or should one of you start with individual therapy? Both can help, but they work in different ways.
What Couples Counseling Focuses On
In couples counseling, the relationship is the client. Your counselor looks at the patterns between you: how arguments start and escalate, how you repair after conflict and how you show care for each other. Both partners attend most sessions, and the counselor makes sure each person is heard.
Couples counseling is often a good fit when:
- You keep having the same argument
- You feel distant or more like roommates than partners
- Trust has been broken and you both want to work on it
- You are facing a big change, such as a new baby, a move or retirement
- You want help deciding whether to stay together
What Individual Therapy Focuses On
In individual therapy, you are the focus. You work one-on-one with a counselor on your own thoughts, feelings, history and choices. Relationship concerns often come up, but the goal is your own growth and well-being.
Individual therapy may be a better starting point when:
- Your partner is not ready or willing to attend
- You are still deciding what you want from the relationship
- Anxiety, depression, trauma or substance use is affecting your daily life
- You notice the same patterns across several relationships
- There is abuse or fear in the relationship
Important: If there is violence, threats or fear in your relationship, couples counseling is usually not recommended. Individual support is the safer first step. If you are in danger, call 911.
Can You Do Both?
Yes. Many people see an individual counselor and attend couples counseling at the same time. Each serves a different purpose. For example, one partner may work on anxiety or past trauma individually while both partners work on communication together. Usually, the individual and couples counselors are different people, which helps each relationship stay clear.
How to Decide Where to Start
Ask yourselves a few questions:
- Do we both want to work on this relationship?
- Is the main problem between us, or is one of us struggling with something personal?
- Do we both feel safe being honest with each other?
If you answered yes to the first and third questions, couples counseling is often a good place to begin. If not, individual therapy may help you get ready. When you contact our office, our intake team can help you decide.
Can I go to couples counseling alone?
Couples counseling usually involves both partners. If your partner will not attend, individual counseling can help you work on your side of the relationship and decide what you want.
Is couples counseling more expensive than individual therapy?
Costs depend on your counselor and your insurance. Coverage for couples counseling varies by plan. Our team can help you check your benefits.
Will my couples counselor take sides?
No. A couples counselor works with both partners and focuses on the patterns between you, not on deciding who is right.
Talk With Artisan Counseling
Artisan Counseling offers both couples and individual counseling at our Newport News and Suffolk offices and by telehealth anywhere in Virginia. Request an appointment or call 757.503.2819, and we will help you find the right starting point.
