Key Takeaways
- The first couples session is mostly about getting to know you, your relationship and what brought you in.
- Your counselor will explain how sessions work, confidentiality and what to expect next.
- Many counselors meet with each partner individually early on to hear both perspectives.
- You do not need to prepare a speech. Coming as you are is enough.
- It is normal to feel nervous, and it is normal for the first session to feel unfinished.
Deciding to start couples counseling takes courage. Walking into the first session can bring up a lot of questions: Will we be judged? Will one of us be blamed? What if we argue in front of the counselor? Knowing what to expect can make that first appointment easier.
Here is what usually happens in a first couples counseling session and how to get the most out of it.
Before the Session
Most practices ask both partners to complete intake forms before the first visit. At Artisan Counseling, you receive access to a client portal where you can submit registration and consent forms ahead of time. You may also be asked about insurance, scheduling and whether you prefer in-person or telehealth sessions.
What Happens in the First Session
Introductions and ground rules
Your counselor will introduce themselves, explain how couples counseling works and go over confidentiality. Many counselors also explain how they handle information one partner shares privately, so you both know what to expect.
Why you are here
You will each have a chance to describe what brought you in. Your counselor will ask questions to understand the main concerns, how long they have been going on and what you have already tried. You will not be rushed, and your counselor will make sure both of you are heard.
Your relationship history
Expect questions about how you met, what drew you together, major events in your relationship and the strengths you still share. This helps your counselor see the full picture, not just the current problem.
Goals
Toward the end of the session, your counselor will start talking with you about goals. These may be specific, such as arguing less about money, or broad, such as feeling close again. Goals often become clearer over the next few sessions.
Tip: It is common for counselors to schedule one individual session with each partner within the first few weeks. This helps them understand each person’s history and concerns.
What the First Session Is Not
- It is not a trial. Your counselor is not there to decide who is right.
- It is not a quick fix. The first session lays the groundwork. Change happens over several sessions.
- It is not a commitment to stay together. Counseling can also help couples decide to separate with less conflict.
How to Prepare
- Think about the two or three issues that matter most to you.
- Be ready to talk about what is working, not just what is not.
- Agree not to continue an argument from the session in the car on the way home.
- Be honest, even when it is uncomfortable.
After the First Session
It is normal to leave the first session feeling relieved, tired or even a little more stirred up than when you walked in. That usually means important topics are on the table. Most couples meet weekly or every other week, and sessions usually last 50 to 60 minutes.
If you do not feel comfortable with your counselor after a few sessions, it is okay to say so. A good fit matters, and our intake team can help you find another counselor if needed.
Do both partners have to come to the first session?
Usually, yes. If your partner is not ready, you can still start with individual counseling and invite them later.
Can the first session be on telehealth?
Yes. Many counselors offer secure video sessions. Both partners need to be in Virginia at the time of the session.
Will we get homework?
Some counselors suggest small exercises between sessions, such as practicing a new way to start difficult conversations.
What if we argue during the session?
That is okay. Seeing how you argue helps your counselor understand your patterns and teach you new ways to respond.
Ready to Start?
Artisan Counseling offers couples counseling at our Newport News and Suffolk offices and by telehealth anywhere in Virginia. Request an appointment or call 757.503.2819.
